Part 7 reveals a common conflict between couples and how to manage it using planned sensual encounters.
Sexual frustration is more common than you think
The life of a marriage counselor would be a lot easier if couples would just marry someone with a matching libido to theirs. This, however, is rarely the case and counselors everywhere are busy tending to the many challenges that a marriage with a mismatched libido brings. Best-selling author of The Sex-Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner Davis is also a world renowned speaker and coach in marriage therapy,
“I’ve been a marriage therapist for two decades…I’ve had a birds eye view of what truly happens to marriages in which one spouse has little or no desire for sex and the other yearns for it desperately. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that a marriage void of sexuality and intimacy is a marriage doomed to fail”
Experts estimate that one in every three married couples face challenges associated with a mismatched libido. Feelings of rejection, disappointment and anger spill into the relationship once sexual frustration can no longer be ignored. Negative emotions from both spouses create tension, and the relationship becomes noncollaborative. If a couple is not able to make some sort of emotional and intimate connection, there is no forgiveness and healing. The negativity accumulates. A healthy marriage is able to fight about anything, and then make up shortly after. Not all conflict can be resolved and that’s OK. This ritual of forgiveness allows us to emotionally heal and reconnect. A couple that lacks sexual connection has deprived these opportunities to heal and connect. For the low libido spouse, it may seem as if their lover wants sex too much. This can easily be the case since one is needing sex to be an emotional connection, and the other is having sex unemotionally. This can leave both parties unsatisfied and the attempt is repeated over and over.
Make a plan to have quality sex
Incorporating fantasy role play into your sexual relationship is going to alleviate the sexual frustration in many forms. As Michele Weiner Davis describes in her book, feelings of arousal commonly come out once the sex is underway. Not necessarily before hand. So planning ahead to make a sexual commitment to each other washes away any need to rely on perfect timing. And with a special date in mind, there is no anxiety about expecting sex and feeling disappointment when nothing happens. The high libido spouse can rest easy knowing that a collaborative sexual experience is worth waiting for vs. another merciful surrender from their partner. Sexual encounters can be something that they learn to savor instead and may actually want to decrease the frequency of sex choosing quality over quantity. As for the low libido spouse, they are likely to find that their own sexuality is something they know little about. Role play gives couples the opportunity to actually learn what their own personal arousals are. Once couples truly learn about their own and their lover’s sexual interests, sexual foreplay becomes more meaningful and emotionally connected.
Part 7 – Sexual Frustration